Who This Is For

This lesson is for parents who feel they've lost themselves in the crisis of their child's trans identity—parents who are stressed, guilty, manipulated, and alienated from their own values and character. It's especially relevant for parents who sense they're compromising their dignity, walking on eggshells, caving to demands that don't feel right, or feeling held hostage. Parents who have been guilt-tripped into believing they're bad people, and who need to reconnect with their core values and character before moving forward, will benefit most from this grounding reminder and invitation to self-compassion.

Summary of Key Points

• The crisis of your child's trans identity has likely taken a significant toll on your wellbeing, marriage, family dynamics, mental health, and sense of self
• Stress responses have been exacerbated: fighters experience more conflict, peacekeepers repress more and walk on eggshells, and everyone feels the strain
• You may have lost energy for other children, compromised your values, repressed your truth, made deals that feel like bargaining with the devil
• Many of these feelings stem from double binds—being trapped between impossible choices with no good options
• Guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation from your child may have convinced you that you're a bad person with something to be ashamed of
• This is false: your heart is in the right place; your intentions are good; your children deserve to feel your authentic, values-aligned heart
• The path forward requires reconnecting with your core values, hopes, dreams, character, and vision for your child's potential
• Self-compassion is essential; while you may have done some things differently, you are not guilty or shameful for trying to protect your child's wellbeing
• The goal is to help you become the person you want to be while also taking actions that protect your child's long-term health, wellbeing, and happiness

Notes

Chances are, you haven't been your best lately.

Worrying about the possibility of your child being permanently physically harmed can take a tremendous toll on your mental stability, sleep, even your career and marriage.

Sometimes it can almost seem as if The Trifecta of Social Contagion was designed to exploit any weaknesses in an individual, family, or society.

Let's take a look at some common symptoms of the stress that this bizarre situation has placed upon you and your family. Do you find yourself engaging in any of these self-destructive and ineffectual behaviors?

If you checked any of these boxes, this course is for you.

I am here to help you find a better way to get through this crisis.

Your ideal strategy should:

• Preserve your sanity!
• Keep your values, dignity, and composure in check, so that at the end of the day, you can be proud of how you handled difficult situations.
• Strengthen and balance relationships between each family member.
• Address underlying issues that rendered your child vulnerable.
• Adjust the boundaries between family members so that they are appropriate for the age and developmental stage of each member and improve the functioning of each individual.
• Protect your child's health, fertility, options, and mental stability.
• Encourage your child to develop into a healthy human being capable of functioning in society and forming meaningful, mutually reciprocal relationships.
• Build your child's critical thinking skills and independence.
• Leave your child feeling protected and cared for by you, while also empowering them to feel an age-appropriate sense of making their own decisions.

Throughout this course, I will educate and empower you as a parent to:

• Get out of survival mode, regulate your nervous system, and model healthy adult behavior you can be proud of.
• Work smarter, not harder; use approaches that are strategic and efficient with your emotional energy.
• Understand the nature of the beast of gender ideology, as part of a Trifecta along with radical beliefs about social justice and what psychologists call Cluster B personality traits.
• Stop getting in your own way and sabotaging opportunities to improve your connection with your child.
• Map the various influences — internal and external, conscious and unconscious — affecting your child's mental state.
• Recognize patterns, predict behaviors, and adjust your approach based on these forecasts.
• Shift your own portion of the pattern to encourage shifts in the family patterns.
• Communicate effectively with your child, in ways that take into account his or her psychological state, developmental stage, and underlying motives.

Transcript

If you're like most parents I've met, this crisis has not brought out the best in you, your family dynamics, or your marriage. The stress has taken a toll on you.

Before we dive into the material, we're just going to stop to inventory some of the ways the stress might have taken form, some of the ways you might have felt like you've lost yourself, your wellbeing, or your dignity in this crisis.

Whatever ways you normally respond to stress have probably been exacerbated. If you're a fighter, there's been more conflict. If you're a peacekeeper, there's been more repression of conflict and walking on eggshells. Even if your marriage is normally happy, this might have placed a strain on it. It might be hard to concentrate at work.

You might feel this crisis has taken away energy that your other children need from you or caused you to rely on your children in ways that leave you feeling conflicted. You might have found yourself selling yourself short, not speaking your truth, making compromises that end up leaving you feeling like you're bargaining with the devil.

Communication with your child might feel strained and unnatural, or you might find yourself caving into demands that don't feel right in your heart because you don't know what else to do. Perhaps you even feel held hostage.

Chances are that a lot of these feelings can be attributed to double binds that the situation has placed you in. Essentially, you've been trapped between a rock and a hard place. I will soon be giving you tools for recognizing these situations, slowing down, and finding new ways of articulating your dilemma that take the pressure off your shoulders.

But I think a good starting point is to remember who you are. Remember your core values, your hopes, dreams, and desires for your family life, the vision that you hold in your heart for what kind of person your child truly is on the inside and what kind of adult they have the potential to become.

Essentially, I want to help you bring yourself back into alignment with your values as a person, with your character and your intentions. If you've been affected by guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation on the part of your child, then you might find yourself walking around feeling like a different person, a person who has something to be guilty or ashamed of.

Let me remind you that although there are always things you could have done differently—and we will get into some of that—your heart is in the right place. Your heart is good, and your children deserve to know and feel your heart.

So let's help you get back in touch with yourself and reflect with self-compassion on ways that you've lost touch with yourself. It might sound like an audacious promise, but my genuine hope for this course is that you can return to being the kind of person you want to be while also behaving in ways that maximize your chances of protecting your child's long-term health, wellbeing, and happiness.

Questions for Reflection

Realign with Your Core Values to Find Strength & Guidance